Seasonal Shifts and Grace

As I get older, I fall into the same ever-accelerating cyclical nature of life. This year has gone by quicker than the last, which sped past faster than the one before, and so on, looking back until I was a wee lass tormented by the thought of having to wait another week for Christmas. It’s nothing new to us, and yet by the time January has morphed into March, which is now mid-April, we look at our calendars and back at our peers to remark, “This year has gone by so fast!”

A week was a decade to her

I learn more about myself every year, and one thing I’ve taken away from my experience with time is how deeply I value neatly structuring my life into seasons. Organizing phases of my life helps me reflect on lessons learned or meditate on cherished memories. I’ve filled many small journals over the past years, often calling one complete before they are full when I feel I’m moving on to a new season of life.

This year is much the same in being a definitive season, but I am constantly think back to the beginning and get frustrated with my apparent lack of progress. This year hasn’t been a cake walk, but the real issue is that I am comparing this season with last. A year ago, I was moving from Arkansas to Minnesota. I was in a very particular place with the Lord and felt excited about our new adventure. I remember how difficult last spring was, yet I still envy the creative momentum I had.

My first market from last year

Moving from Bentonville to the Twin Cities gave me a renewed purpose in my art. I would be surrounded by other passionate artists and have unprecedented opportunities to grow my small business and develop my style. Last summer, it showed. I had new pieces I couldn’t wait to share, and I applied for market after market to meet people and tell more of my story.

But not this year.

I’m sure we all know that comparison is the thief of joy. Though few talk about the danger of comparing to your past self. It’s April. And here I am with no finished projects, and only one in progress. Last year me would never. She had already applied to markets and planned new projects. This year me just looks forward to finishing one piece and going from there.

Maybe I’m a different person now. Well, yes, in a way, but I don’t think that’s it. I think there are different priorities right now. Anyone with a screen could tell you that this is not the most fun time to have moved to MN. I keep pressuring myself to have the same energy and priorities that I did last season without giving myself the grace to notice the ways I’m glorifying God in this one. He isn’t pressuring me to be the way I was last year. In fact, He is constantly reminding me that progress looks messy, and my heart has to be in it before my actions can. Interpret that as you will, but I just know I need to let myself go at the speed which works for me and not compare God’s plans for this year with the blessings seen from last.

I need to remember that my energy has been focused on being more active in my community, such as going to protests & volunteering at the Salvation Army, and give myself grace when I'm not doing more art